It’s my first day of school! Actually, this is my 16th first day of school. You would think that the other 15 times would adequately prepare me for this one. But, not really. I’m still not ready to start.

The eve of every new school year brings with it a mix of excitement and nervousness as I anxiously anticipate the semester ahead. Like usual, professors have already sent out their syllabi, textbooks have filled my Amazon cart and I pulled out my scrubs and stethoscope last night (those were a bit dusty). My planner just came in the mail and I’ve already begun to say goodbye to my free time for the next 3 months.

But to be honest, the start of this school year just seems a bit different. Maybe it’s because we are still amidst a pandemic. Maybe it’s because I am really excited for my clinical rotation in OB/L&D this semester. But what I really think it is, is that this year, I’m a senior. Even reading that back, it still doesn’t make sense. Where did the time go?

**Queue all the sentimental feelings**

My last year. Wow. It feels like just yesterday I stepped onto the 40 acres as a wide-eyed freshman oo-ing and ah-ing at the tower lit orange. I can’t believe how far I’ve come. I think back to that girl and I almost don’t recognize her. She had so much to learn. So much to overcome. That girl didn’t know what was in store for her.

I would love to travel back in time and give her a hug and tell her it would all be okay. She wasn’t able to visualize a future in which she was happy and thriving at college. She struggled with depression and anxiety. She didn’t want to leave her room for the first 2 months of college except to drive home every weekend. Her goal was to survive. If she could simply survive, maybe it would get better. That fall semester was spent treading just enough to keep her head above water.

It took time, but eventually things changed. They changed because she didn’t back away from the challenges she faced no matter how badly she wanted to. Don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t always able to succeed the first time. Some obstacles required multiple failures before they were overcome. But she did it.

And Now…

I’m so dang proud of that girl. I need to take some notes from her as well because right now, I have challenges and fears I must overcome. Even though I am so excited to be learning about labor and delivery this semester, I am also very stressed and anxious about everything that lies on my plate. I’m not sure how I will balance my 7 classes, a leadership position in my organization and my job as a teaching assistant for Gross Anatomy, let alone my social life! Just thinking about everything I have to do this semester sends me into a panic mode.

Yet, I am humbled when I step back and realize how blessed I am to have these things as “problems”. How blessed am I that I am working on finishing a nursing degree at the University of Texas at Austin? How blessed am I to be elected by my peers as their Treasurer for the school year? How blessed am I to be working my 4th semester as a TA with an awesome and supportive professor? Those are truly gifts. Those are things that girl from 3 years ago would NEVER have dreamed of for herself.

It Can Be Both

It can be both scary and exciting. Every obligation I have this semester is also my privilege to fill. Remembering that will be hard as the weeks go on. But nevertheless, it remains true. I hope that this year, I face my fears, overcome my obstacles and learn a thing or two.

I hope the same for you as well. I pray that you are able to find appreciation in anything that you are facing right now as you look ahead. Find the positive amongst what may only appear as negative. Find your “both”.

Much love,

Lovisa Kay

Freshman to sophomore to junior to senior year 🙂